What's in the Water?

Has anybody else noticed that EVERYBODY is getting married/engaged/having babies? No, seriously, there are albums all over facebook of surprise weddings that I never saw coming. I'm not the only one who feels like this is a frightening development and that maybe there is something in the water. Por ejemplo: I was talking to my oldest friend about this, and mentioned, "oh did you see that so-and-so got married?" there was a pause, followed by "...To a man?" "I know, right?"

I'm not saying I need to get married, I'm just sort of surprised. But I have been in 2 weddings and am coming up on my third performance next October. Yes, it's a performance. If it sees me in a dress, with make up and shoes other than sandals, then it's a performance. I liked those weddings though, probably because I know the people and love them dearly. What's that saying? Three times a bridesmaid? Oh well, it happens.

1) Back when I was a teenager, I was in my lovely cousin's wedding. It was great, my uncle had a string trio/quartet/gang of string instrumentalists play at the reception. At some point they played a Celtic set and the groom and his family (they're Irish) hit the floor step dancing. I was impressed.

2) Last year, I was in a childhood friend's wedding. That was a spectacular endeavor, let me tell you. I got fitted for the dress and then promptly left for the field. All summer. I went from France to Turkey to Guatemala to Honduras and it was a little on the ridiculous side. Last time I went to Guatemala I came back about 20 pounds heavier. I know right? I went from 115 to 135. I'm pretty sure that was horrendous. Okay so gaining a few inches (or like 5) on my waist wasn't my favorite, but really, the horrifying part was that I had to buy new clothes. Let's just say that I'm not a fan of shopping. when you hate shopping or being around a lot of people, suddenly being faced with the fact that you have to replace ALL of your pants feels what I would imagine knowing you're about to be hit by a car feels like- you've just walked into the cross walk and realized that car just isn't stopping... I mean, especially when you've spent the last 20 years getting away with wearing what mom brings home (from 6th grade...), and hand me downs from your god mother's sons (things that I love and STILL keep in my closet).

I mean, part of this phobia comes from the fact that mom insists every article of clothing, and therefore all pairs of pants, are sewn differently. Yes, I still go shopping with my mom when I have to get clothes. 1) if she left it up to me, I'd put it out of my mind and it'd just never get done 2) if I am forced into doing it out of necessity by myself, odds are that I can't be trusted and will botch it somehow. Well, I'm improving recently... But anyway, it isn't enough just to try on a size and see that it fits and go pick up a stack of size whatever pants. Oh no, no no, if you need 3 - 5 pairs of pants, and decide to go simple (as I will to get out of the store as soon as possible, damnit) and pick 3 - 5 pairs of the SAME pair of pants, you are stuck in the dressing room for the next hour and a half of your life trying on every pair of size whatever pants to make sure they fit as well as pair-of-pants-take-one because "No, Lauren, they are NOT the same! Look, this one has a funny pocket..."

Back from that tangent, yeah, so I came back the week of the wedding terrified that I wasn't going to fit into the dress. I had absolutely monitored all of my eating habits that summer- dress fit fine, was even a touch big. I can't say that I wasn't pleased. While I was in Honduras, I had commented to a friend's boyfriend, who happens to be Mexican, that I needed to be on a diet. He thought this over with grave contemplation etched into his face for a few seconds before carefully responding, with deliberation: "Yes." His English sounds phenomenal because he listens to American music all the time. But he didn't actually have any idea what the hell I was saying, so positively responding "yes" seemed like the thing to do. His girlfriend was horrified. Last time he and I had a talk that ended like this was

Me: "Wow, your English is a lot better than my Spanish!"
Him: "...yes."
Her: "NO!"

You see where this is going. So anyway, I kept myself well enough limited on insane food intake to fit in the dress and attend this wedding in decent shape (haha, shape. Like in-shape. I think I'm funny...).

3) My other childhood friend is getting married next October. I'm ridiculously excited about this. Her fiancee proposed in Paris, and I'm pretty sure that he's my new favorite person. I get updates from time to time in my inbox about the state of the union (haha, more funny...). I love it. They've known each other since high school, it's like a fairy tale romance.

So here I am, I bought a dress from this Ukrainian woman in Quincy a few weeks ago. She asked me where I was from, what school, etc, and when I finally broke down and told her she, being the stellar saleswoman she was, called me a genius. This led to, "you have a boyfriend?" "um... no." Seeing this as a mistake, she turned mystic, but still very nice of course. She blessed my dress, gave me a discount for being a foreigner, and told me I would definitely be getting married soon. Awesome. Actually, it makes me wonder if that's what this is all about? This woman has been blessing dresses and inducing marriage all over the place. Half of my graduating class DOES come to Boston/live here.